I really do. I know it's nobody's fault but my own. I've done this to myself.
It just sucks to come to that realization once again.
Things are supposed to be different.
We are supposed to be trying to be a better COUPLE THIS TIME.
We are finally gonna be happy.
I keep coming to the same conclusion...I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't want my life to be like this anymore.
I don't want to be with you anymore Jason...
and it sucks to finally realize it.
Next step, figure out how to tell him...
Greg is graduating today!
Fucking sweet!
He's so happy, and I'm happy for him. He deserves a break!
Yaaaaaaaaay Greg!
Exams underway, pumped I'm doing so well. Getting a new job soon as well, starting next week. I will no longer be working at the tavern. It is sucking the life out if me. The people are so negative, no one really cares about doing the job, they just care about petty stupid bullshit oh, and acting as ridiculous and as unprofessional as possible. Holy shit.
Like getting drunk with your employees and pulling your dress up to reveal your bare ass only to have another employee put their face in your ass on a dare, during operational hours, while customers are hanging around and walking by...Oooooo I just have to get out of there...
My fiancee is lazy. There I've said it! He is a lazy SOB and also very inconsiderate. I work mostly nights about 40 hours/wk and go to school 5 days a week, he just works 40 hours/week. So we're both tired a lot but I still do pretty much all of the cleaning that gets done.
He wakes up early to watch The Daily Show when I have to go to school but doesn't wake me up when he gets up so that I can get ready for class. Even though I text him on my breaks from school to get him up for work, I sometimes leave class to call him if he doesn't respond to my text messages.
He invites people over for dinner without asking me first, they just show up when I'm naked running around the house getting dinner ready or just in a t-shirt and panties cooking for us.
I wash our clothes, hang them out to dry and bring them in and he won't do any laundry at all. He will leave them in the baskets for weeks.
He plays frisbee golf or poker when he knows the house needs some extra tlc. He doesn't care!
I don't want to play games and do passive aggressive shit to hurt him like most women do. Shit like put his dirty clothes out in the yard, put his dirty dishes in his chair, or make him sleep on the couch or sleep on the couch myself because I can't stand the sight of him.
That's not the kind of relationship that I want. I want to be heard and taken seriously! We've been together for about 6 years now and I don't want things to be this way when or if we get married.
I got really drunk the other night and told him that if he didn't start treating me better I would leave him. I said that if he kept taking me for granted he would lose I told him that I missed Thomas and I do. He was stable. He wasn't lazy. He visited my house and immediately wanted to help me clean it!!! If somebody walks in your house and they offer to help you clean it, it's dirty bro!!!
I said a bunch of other things that he just wrote off as drunk talk. I dunno. Drunk or not I would take that stuff seriously. Especially if you know that you are not doing all that you could do to help me out.
So, now I'm washing my own laundry, putting it away. Sleeping on the couch so that I get up for school on time. And cleaning up my own messes in the kitchen. I'm not going to nag anymore, I'm tires tired of arguing. I'm tired of screaming.
I'm just so tired.
What a tough day.
Everyone we start taking again it becomes more and more exhausting...then things are ok for a while.
I love Thomas, he's a little crazy over me and maybe that's what living someone from afar will make you do.
I blame myself mostly for this mess...
Well, almost done...
I just took our out of the food processor
The liquid is butter milk, the solid is the butter.
I always add the salt while it's still in the processor, just as much as you like. Always taste to see if it's to your liking.
Press butter to remove buttermilk
I then rinse the butter in cold water to remove the remaining buttermilk
Then put it in your dish
Yummmmmmmy.
So, after so long emotional night, Thomas and I are talking again. Dunno how long that will last, but, I'm happy about it. He's a neat person, and has been a very strong presence in my life for a long time. I feel weird not having him around.
Maybe I'm being selfish...
I dunno.
I'm just glad he called. :)
Thomas' dad is in the hospital...I'm also here, I don't know why except that I still care about him and he thought to call me in his time of need.
Here goes...
