It's the worst thing in the world, being someone like me, independent and strong and trying to find someone to love and respect that. I feel awful and alone and i just want to find someone to love me. I'm tired of feeling out of place because I'm trying too hard. I don't like to feel this way, like I can't even be friends with someone because they think I want to be with them or something like that...
I have so much on my mind right now I feel like it's coming out in a big ramble...I don't care.
I'm gonna type until I stop crying.
I really have a thing for this guy. I don't know if it's me or his emotional state...probably the latter, but I just want to be close to him...i don't even have to be sexual. I just enjoy his company and it's like, he wants me to talk to sometimes and then others it's like, fuck no.
It's really depressing, i just keep thinking what's wrong with me that you can talk to me sometimes and are always happy to see me but if it's just us and i want to hang out, you get all weird. i just don't understand.
it's crushing me.
maybe i'm just stupid...or maybe he is...i don't know. it just hit me hard today.
alright i'm tired of feeling sorry for myself.
i'm going out!
