fuck it.

It's the worst thing in the world, being someone like me, independent and strong and trying to find someone to love and respect that. I feel awful and alone and i just want to find someone to love me. I'm tired of feeling out of place because I'm trying too hard. I don't like to feel this way, like I can't even be friends with someone because they think I want to be with them or something like that...

I have so much on my mind right now I feel like it's coming out in a big ramble...I don't care.

I'm gonna type until I stop crying.

I really have a thing for this guy. I don't know if it's me or his emotional state...probably the latter, but I just want to be close to him...i don't even have to be sexual. I just enjoy his company and it's like, he wants me to talk to sometimes and then others it's like, fuck no. 

It's really depressing, i just keep thinking what's wrong with me that you can talk to me sometimes and are always happy to see me but if it's just us and i want to hang out, you get all weird. i just don't understand. 

it's crushing me. 

maybe i'm just stupid...or maybe he is...i don't know. it just hit me hard today.

alright i'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. 

i'm going out!

Holy mother of god, what did I do last night?!?!!!!???!??!!!!!?

Exactly.
I don't even know where to start.
I want even drunk this morning so that is no excuse for all the touching.
At least there was no kissing, this morning anyway



JD happened, christ.





8/16/12

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I just had a birthday.

I wanted it to be the best birthday that I could remember.





It was so much and more.









J.D.

:)


That's all I have to say...


The kissing, the holding, sleeping. I couldn't ask for more after not seeing or hearing from him for 3 weeks. I finally did. I guess he missed me.


or wanted some head.




Either way!







I want us to be sensual, sexual, and not committed. So, I'm happy with the way things turned out. I don't have time for anything else. Sleeping, cuddling, and maybe a little sex sometimes. I don't have time for a serious committed thing.


I'm just happy that he reconsidered, and now we are just what we are.




My god, he's yummy.


One of the funniest mother fuckers I've ever met.


I'm glad he's back in my life.











THANK THE GODS, AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!

Mona <3

9/11/12

Single, again. :)

But...there is my Thomas!!!

I hate what my life has become...

I really do. I know it's nobody's fault but my own. I've done this to myself.

It just sucks to come to that realization once again.

Things are supposed to be different.

We are supposed to be trying to be a better COUPLE THIS TIME.

We are finally gonna be happy.

I keep coming to the same conclusion...I don't want to do this anymore.

I don't want my life to be like this anymore.

I don't want to be with you anymore Jason...

and it sucks to finally realize it.

Next step, figure out how to tell him...

Graduation!

Greg is graduating today!

Fucking sweet!

He's so happy, and I'm happy for him. He deserves a break!

Yaaaaaaaaay Greg!

Life rant (mini)

Exams underway, pumped I'm doing so well. Getting a new job soon as well, starting next week. I will no longer be working at the tavern. It is sucking the life out if me. The people are so negative, no one really cares about doing the job, they just care about petty stupid bullshit oh, and acting as ridiculous and as unprofessional as possible. Holy shit.

Like getting drunk with your employees and pulling your dress up to reveal your bare ass only to have another employee put their face in your ass on a dare, during operational hours, while customers are hanging around and walking by...Oooooo I just have to get out of there...